Three Simple Words

We have been teaching Aisllyn sign language for quite some time now, even before we learned the reason behind her lack of speech. This was a tactic I had employed with my middle daughter, Hannah, at a young age because she didn't speak until she was closer to two. It worked wonderfully for us to tear down the communication barrier and ease her frustrations over common items at home that she wanted, but wouldn't communicate to us. Hannah refused to talk. The only words she would say were 'mama, dada, and Tay-wor (Taylor).' I talked with my mom about this, thinking that maybe she needed to be evaluated for speech issues. My mom brought up a really good point. She told me that Hannah didn't have to talk. She pointed, and either her dad, myself, or Taylor would get what she needed. Or, she would jibber-jabber and Taylor would take off running and bring back the appropriate toy (somehow Taylor knew exactly what Hannah wanted). The frustration and fits would set in when she was genuinely trying to express something to us, but we just didn't know what she needed. I decided to try signing to alleviate her (and our) frustrations. And it worked! For common items like milk, juice, hungry, etc... she was able to show us what she wanted and her tantrums began to subside. Like I said, she was almost two when she started actually talking and using full sentences, and she hasn't stopped since! She is talking as soon as her feet hit the floor in the morning, and still going as I'm walking out the door after tucking her in at night! She makes excellent grades in school, just like her older sister, and is reading at an almost 4th grade level. Her lack of speech had no medical reason. 

So when Aisllyn wasn't saying more than dada before she was 1, I wasn't really concerned. I figured, we could start teaching her sign language as well. 6 years later, rather than purchasing books and DVDs, I was able to find some pretty awesome apps on my phone. I purchased Beginner ASL and Intermediate ASL to teach Aisllyn with. I believe they were 4.99 each, which was a whole lot cheaper than 2 books and several DVDs like we had done with Hannah. 

Aisllyn has learned so many signs, but has never really used them to communicate or ask us for something. She will usually mimic the sign when we are teaching it to her. We try to use them anytime we are talking to her. We aren't making full sentences using sign, but showing her the signs that pertain to the emphasis of what we are showing her. For example, I will ask her, "do you want an apple?" and sign apple. Or, "look at the bird" and sign bird. We have started small two-word sentences like "milk, please" and sign both milk and please. She has mimic'd that once for me, and I couldn't have been more proud. She was once even pitching a fit reaching for a banana, so I told her she needed to ask us for the banana; I wanted her to say the word or sign it. She defeated me by angrily signing 'please.' Of course she got the banana! Because she was at least asking us! I was so proud! And I continue to be proud as she produces new signs. 

Her speech therapist is WONDERFUL! Aisllyn can tend to take about 10 or so minutes to warm up to someone new, but the very first time Aisllyn met her, she was engaged in what speech was teaching her. I was SO impressed. I can absolutely tell that her speech therapist has made a break through with Aisllyn. Aisllyn went from occasionally copying the sign that we were working with her on, to being almost fully engaged when we are showing her signs, and will usually produce the sign now. Each week we get a report on how Aisllyn did and what they learned. This helps us work with her through the week, reinforcing what she has been taught. Her speech therapist will write down words that were signed and words that were spoken. 

Spoken?? Wait...what? Did I read that right? My first reaction to seeing - Words spoken today: no, book, cat, ... the list goes on. How was she saying words when being asked to repeat them with speech, but not with us? Don't get me wrong, she has had several break out words like glasses, thank you, sissy; but, more often than not, we are met with a smile when we try to get her to say something. She frequently uses dada, mama, duck, dog, but that has been the extent of her vocabulary for quite some time now. I began to realize that maybe we were hindering her progress. I called my mom to ask her opinion. Were we really keeping Aisllyn from using her words for us? It made sense. At home, we try to use every opportunity to teach Aisllyn a new word or sign, but sometimes, instead of allowing a tantrum to escalate, we will give in. Or, we know what Aisllyn wants - much like when Hannah was her age - and automatically give it to her. It certainly isn't intentional, but it absolutely has a lot to do with why we are not seeing (hearing) the same at home. 

We don't want to make life hard for any of our children. But we want to raise them right. In Aisllyn's case, just giving in is not the right way to go. Sure, I want her to make it through life having as little struggle and strife as possible, but at this stage in her development (keeping in mind the potential for delays) we can't do that. I am so thankful I talked with my mom and realized that we were likely contributing to her lack of speech at home. We have to make her work harder, even if that means not giving in to what she wants, or not just giving up and moving on because she isn't cooperating with what we are trying to teach her. Doing those things will only make it harder on her as she gets older. She needs to learn now that she will have to keep trying in order to master something. I don't want to instill an attitude of giving up and moving on to the next thing just because it might be a little difficult. And really, even though it may take more time with Aisllyn, it is the same lesson that I teach my older daughters Taylor and Hannah on a daily basis. This realization has shifted my thought process and encouraged me to try new things when we are working with Aisllyn.

Before, I would try to get her to produce a sign or say a word, but if she showed signs of boredom, we would move on to something else. Now, when we see something new that we don't know the sign for, I pull out my phone and Aisllyn and I watch the short video of the sign; I put my phone down, show her the sign and say the word, and then help her get her fingers in the right position, and help her make the sign. She may not say the word, but she will usually produce the sign on her own after a few tries with my help, and then we cheer and clap! Which brings me to the reason for all of this background about speech and signing...

For the past couple weeks we have been signing 'I love you' to Aisllyn before we put her to bed. *thumb, pointer, and pinky straight out; middle and ring fingers folded down into palm* We then help her fold her middle and ring fingers down to her palm to mimic the sign. Last night as I was rocking her, she was playing with her fingers and it reminded me that we didn't sign 'I love you' yet. As I was picking my hand up to tell her I loved her, I looked down and she was using her left hand to fold down her middle and ring fingers on her right hand. I signed I love you, our eyes met, and she smiled such a big smile! She then reached up and gave me a kiss. SHE DID IT!!!!! She signed 'I love you' without any direction from me, and what makes it even better... She knew what she was trying to communicate to me. She knows love! My heart was so full and overflowing!

I know I personally take for granted the fact that Taylor and Hannah can communicate everything they need and want. It has always warmed my heart to hear the words, "I love you mommy." And that was a phrase that I wanted desperately to hear from Aisllyn. When we found out that the polymicrogyria and pachygyria would affect her ability to speak, my heart hurt because I didn't know when I would be able to hear those same words from Aisllyn. Last night, I didn't have to hear them. She knew what she was showing me, and it sounded the same in my heart as if I had heard those very words flowing from her mouth. 

Those 3 simple words. From a child to a mommy. There is nothing sweeter.