Reaching for the Stars

In about 3 weeks, I begin nursing school, a goal I have been working toward since 2010. I decided I wanted to become a nurse a few years after watching my mom walk across the stage at her graduation, officially a nurse. Until then, I had been back and forth with what I desired for a permanent career for quite some time. Watching my mom work so hard toward something my entire life was an inspiration that pushed me in the direction of a career in the medical field. So each semester I took one class here and 3 classes there, up until we were surprised in at the beginning of 2012 with news that our home would grow by 2 feet; and how precious they are. So, naturally, I put my schooling on hold. Last fall I decided to start back right before Aisllyn's first birthday to finish up the 2 classes I lacked to apply for the associates program at the local community college. I still have quite a bit to go, but I am making it there one semester at a time. My dream began with an indecisive, "I'm pretty sure I can do something like that," and because of Aisllyn's diagnosis, it has evolved into a realization that helping others (specifically children) is where I am supposed to be.

It is certainly a surreal feeling to finally begin the steps of the last leg of a long journey. It got me thinking... as a parent, I want nothing more than to be able to help my children achieve all of their goals and aspirations in life. Aisllyn's diagnosis was absolutely difficult for me. All the things I imagined her doing as she gets older suddenly hit a brick wall.  And it has taken some time for me to fully accept that there may be some things in life that she may not be able to do. I certainly will never limit her, or make her feel like she can't, but realistically, we all have a brick wall. Everyone can't be the next Albert Einstein, Johann Sebastian Bach, or Nicholas Sparks. We can certainly dream about it though. I am in no way slighting my girls' potential for greatness when I say this. All children have huge dreams about what they want to be when they grow up. Some can achieve that goal, others may realize once they reach adulthood that being a princess or Buzz Lightyear wasn't very realistic (Ok, so a bad example). And that's OK! I want my girls to know that no matter what they desire in life, I will help them pave the way to the best of my ability. But I won't intentionally set them up for disappointment. 

Aisllyn is an inspiration to me. She is always smiling, and passes that smile on to everyone she meets. It is infectious, and I'm pretty sure she knows this and uses it at will against us! It never fails, she will wake up in the middle of the night ready to play. A noteworthy point: I seriously value my sleep, and if it is disturbed... well, it usually isn't a good thing. But somehow, looking over at her (when she has decided she can only sleep snuggled between us) and seeing a smile that radiates pure joy and happiness makes me smile; starting at the deepest point in my heart moving all the way to my lips. And I can't help but give in and return it, leading to a few moments of late night giggles between the two of us. Her ability to be happy at any given moment in time is what life is all about. I believe that is one of her gifts she has to offer to those around her. I have never met a person yet who hasnt given in and just melted over her twinkling eyes and toothy grin!

Yes, I will absolutely help my children reach for the stars, but I want them to know first and foremost, that no dream is attainable if you can't find your happiness first. I am so grateful that Aisllyn has hers.